Whoa the neglect!

I don't know, I guess I have just been in a funk. A lot going on, don't want to be a whiner. I will summarize -

We have decided to move, just not to PA. We don't want to face winter. I will take this friggin heat (it has been hella hot here), over a frosty morning, any day. We have decided to move to the Melbourne area of Florida. Far enough away from here, close enough to a major city (Orlando). It will be a change, because both J and I are used to larger city life, and that area certainly is not that.

I don't know if I have mentioned anything about it here, but my sister and niece live with me. That has turned out to be a catastrophe. My sister just takes full advantage, because we are family. The point of telling you is this - her daughter was visiting her father in upstate NY, while she was there, she witnessed him have a massive heart attack and die. It breaks my heart to think of that even now. She witnessed the MI, his friends giving him CPR, the medics trying to resuscitate him, riding in the ambulance, and the ER doc working on him - all for nothing. My heart just freakin aches for her because they had started that day just hanging out together, something that was rare because he had a jealous wife. She and I were the same age when we lost a parent, but I knew it was coming, she did not.

In the past two months we have gone on vacation. We basically hung out with J's family, and it was great. They are scattered between Ocean County NJ, and Henryville PA. So, I was able to get cranked on Wawa coffee, and see some of the greatest people I know.

Work - well, it's been work. The boss that I like and respected - yeah, his position was eliminated for real. He is in his last two weeks to "transition" some projects, after that, he is gone. The bastard is happy, because he has the hook up, so he will land on his feet. I call him a bastard out of love, and I do it to his face, often. I just can't seem to find the motivation to do this 110% like I used to.

The reason for posting is this - on the way to work this morning, I heard a song that just kinda snapped me out of my fog. It really felt like I was seeing the sun for the first time in a while. I realized that there will be an end to these low times. I was actually in a good mood, I smiled and it wasn't fake. It felt good. So I have decided to NOT wait, I want to feel like that more often. I am going to start by not absorbing everyone else's problems to make better. We'll see how this snowballs from there.

By the way, the song was Lola by the Kinks. Love that song.

The more things change, the more they stay the same...

I have been neglectful, I have just been in a shitty mood.

We went to Las Vegas over the weekend, and we had a great time. The purpose of the trip was to see J's brother as he is being deployed to Iraq. My father, step mother, step sister and brother live there too. My FIL, MIL, BIL and step brother also came out. It was stressful, but, the best weekend I have had in a looooooooong time.

I have a weird relationship with family. I have felt for years that as long as we didn't live close together, we would get along better. I realized that isn't the truth. The truth is that I should not live with them. I have a sister currently living with me, and it is not good.

We were leaving on the red-eye Sunday night and I was actually sad to be leaving. We landed in Florida, drove home, and it didn't feel like coming home, it felt like I was just going to where I live. I went to work yesterday (that was a bad idea), and I just felt out of place. I tried to blame it on jet lag, but that isn't it. I don't know, I am just whiney, and this is why I haven't posted. I don't want to be a whiney blogger.

Let's see...

Not too much going on here.

The good:

• My stepson will be here in a week.
• Sirius has an all punk station.
• My daughter is still cute as hell.
• There may be a way out of Florida yet.
• The Shield is back.

The bad:

• Our house that we just rented in November, is going on the market.
• My sister is still living with us.
• The lawn I rent needs to be cut.
• Daughter is teething.
• The "great car" the husband known as J bought for $700? Probably now needs a new transmission. Or at least an overhaul.

I am risking getting all whiney/angsty. I think I will stop here.

The good news - I just realized that it is Wednesday, thought it was Tuesday. Hey - it's something.

Trying NOT to start a trend.

I would apologize for not posting in a week, but, no one is here.

My first week, I lost 6 lbs. I am pretty proud.

I got nothin. I was just going to talk about the last week in the life, but its just pathetically boring. It would go like this:

• Monday I started a diet
• Tuesday I probably fought unneccessarily with J
• Wednesday I realized that I didn't have to eat to feel better
• Thursday I figured out that most of the other women on the Weight Watchers message boards, are catty bitches. I fucking hate cattiness, even though I am sometimes guilty.
• Friday I was the sickest I have ever been in my life. I still don't know what it was.
• Saturday I still felt like dog shit.
• Sunday I felt better and the weekend was over.

Sorry to whine, that just how it was.

Anyway - tomorrow is a new day - onward!

Pffffffft Wednesday..

It's just been one of those days. I overslept this morning and it has just thrown my whole day off.

I drop off the baby known as M, late, to day care and MaryLou decides that this is a good time to tell me about her 50+ years experience as a child care provider. Don't get me wrong, she is a sweet lady, but I just didn't have the time. I had to cut her off and run out.

I had to get gas this morning, and the gas station I like to go to mysteriously has lines at all the pumps. There are probably 15 pumps. The drive to work gets NO better, the asshat merging on to 595 in front of me thinks 40 is an acceptable speed to do so.

As mentioned previously, I am taking on new responsibilities here at work. I am taking this lull to go over procedures and drill them into my brain. I flippin nodded off! It was for maybe a minute, because I snorted myself awake with my chin to my chest. Good thing I was alone in the office today.

I was just coming back from the bathroom, and there was a woman getting on the elevator. The elevator dings, doors open and I hear "Woot! hee hee!". I turn to see who she is wooting, and there is no one there. Who woots an elevator arrival? I swear to god, IT'S IN THE WATER!

I hate to see what this evening brings.

The thing about death...

OH WHAAAH - Anna body is decomposing. People, that is what happens when you die, and if she had lived with an OUNCE of self respect there would not be a question of the paternity and maybe she could have died with a little dignity.

**no more anna nicole...i promise**

All this death has sparked a debate in my house. The hubby known as J's final wishes are to be cremated and scattered in the ocean, I want to be buried. J's reasoning is this - burials are expensive and he does not want to rot in the ground.

My reasoning is a little frightening. Foremost, I don't want to be burned, second (and most morbid) is this, I have had a lot of death in my life. My oldest sister died when I was 6, and my mom at 16. They are buried next to one another, and my step-dad on the other side of mom. I went there A LOT and would tell them what was going on with me etc. If I didn't have that, I really think I would have just forgotten all about them. (Does this make me nutty?) If I were to die tomorrow, I would want the baby known as M to have that same bit of sanctuary.

J attributes my morbidity to the fact that I was raised Catholic and was shamed into hanging on to everything.

So, what is your opinion? Buried or fricasseed?

I stole this from http://carrisablog.com/. I figured that there could be worse ways to open up...


1. Are your parents married or divorced? Divorced when I was 11 after 20+ years.
2. Are you a vegetarian? Have you SEEN my ass? No, I am not
3. Do you believe in Heaven? I believe in something, not sure of what that is..
4. Have you ever come close to dying? Yes, a bullet missed my head by inches.
5. What jewelry do you wear 24/7? My wedding ring and a necklace that was my MILs.
6. Favorite time of day? That time right before the baby goes down for the last time of the day. She always seems so happy.
7. Do you eat the stems of broccoli? Yes
8. Do you wear makeup? I have to!
9. Ever have plastic surgery? Not yet
(What happened to #10?)
11. What do you wear to bed? T-shirt
12. Have you ever done anything illegal? Um, YEAH.. just never got caught.
13. Can you roll your tongue? Yes.
14. Do you tweeze your eyebrows? Only if I have had them waxed, as more of a maintenance, but I am HORRIBLE at upkeep on eyebrows.
15. What kind of sneakers? I don't wear them that often, I am more of a flip-flop girl.
16. Do you believe in abortions? Yes, I am proudly pro choice.
17. What is your hair color? My roots tell me a little grey, but the rest tells me reddish/blondish/brownish.
18. Future child’s name? If we have a boy - Jackson Russell (family names) if we were to have another girl - I am not sure.
19. Do you snore? Yes.
20. If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be? The Netherlands.
21. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? No, they invade my sleeping space.
22. If you won the lottery, what would you do first? Pay off debt.
23. Gold or silver? Silver - looks better on my skin.
24. Hamburger or hot dog? Burger.
25. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? New York Strip - Medium rare.
26. City, beach or country? Beach
27. What was the last thing you touched? Work phone
28. Where did you eat last? Home.
29. When’s the last time you cried? When the baby known as M got her 2 month shots.
30. Do you read blogs? Yes, a freakin fuck ton.
31. Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex? As a goof, sure.
32. Ever been involved with the police? I have a friend that is a cop.
33. What’s your favorite shampoo conditioner and soap? Plain old Infusium 23.
34. Do you talk in your sleep? I don't know, I am sleeping.
35. Ocean or pool? Pool, the ocean scares me.
36. So, who has the original missing questions? I don’t know.
37. Who would you take on a ménage à trois for a dirty weekend? ooohhh - Dominic Purcell and Sawyer from Lost.
38. Window seat or aisle? Aisle
39. Ever met anyone famous? Joe Jurevicius - he was famous to me..., I have met Artie Lange.
40. Do you feel that you’ve had a truly successful life? Everyday above ground is a successful one.
41. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? Twirl
42. Ricki Lake or Oprah Winfrey? Neither.
43. Basketball or Football? Football.
44. How long do your showers last? Typically about 10-12 mins.
45. Automatic or do you drive a stick? Automatic - my step father learned the hard and expensive way not to MAKE me drive a stick, I burn through 4 clutches in 6 months.
46. Cake or ice cream?Cake, but with no frosting.
47. Are you self-conscious? Yes, but I can hide it.
48. Have you ever drank so much you threw up? Twice, and my rotten sister Pam was the culprit each time.
49. Have you ever given money to a beggar? Yes.
50. Have you been in love? Yes.
51. Where do you wish you were? I wish I was sitting in a tropical locale reading the script to next weeks Grey's Anatomy so I know what happens with Meridith.
52. Are you wearing socks? Unfortunately
53. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? Yes.
54. Can you tango? No.
55. Last gift you received? 5 dozen daisies, because the hubby known as J rawks!
56. Last sport you played? Softball
57. Things you spend a lot of money on? The daughter known as M.
58. Where do you live? Dania Beach, Florida
59. Where were you born? Ottawa, Illinois.
60. Last wedding attended? My brother in law got married at Disneyworld.
61. Spit or swallow? Nonya
62. Favorite position? Again, Nonya
63. Most hated food(s)? Brussel sprouts
(#64 called in sick)
65. Can you sing? Yes I can, but the REAL question is "can you carry a tune?"
66. Last person you instant messaged? My consultant, Thom.
67. Last place you went on holiday? To the wedding in Orlando.
68. Favorite regular drink? Diet Coke.
69. Current Song? Ball and Chain - Social Distortion
70. Tag 3 friends: Not yet - I haven't even told people I know about this blawg.

You know I must be crazy...

This being my very first post ever, maybe I should start by introducing myself.

....

Know this - my mind always draws a blank when am told to "tell me about yourself". It makes me feel like such an ass. The laughable thing is that I am NOT a shy person. I want this blog to get me over the "they're all going to laugh at you" syndrome.

Here goes nothin':

I am married to my best friend since 2000. Don't take that statement to mean that it is all wine and roses, we have our share of arguments and disagreements. But, when push comes to shove, there is no one else that I want by my side. My husband will be known from here forward as J.

I am a new mom. I had my first child 11/30/06, a little girl who shall be known as M. M is the best thing that could have ever happened to me.

MANY years ago - I started as a blog snooper, I really thought that I was getting away with something. I thought I was looking in on personal feeling that were not meant to be seen. Then blogging became a mainstream thing, then I became a reader. The kind of reader who would comment sometimes, but read everyday. It became an addiction, that still thrives today.

As for what I do, I wish I was a SAHM, but alas, I am not. I work for a great company and I assist a sales team. I would not want to get dooced, so I will keep it at that. Being the great company that it is, I am working on being a WAHM 2 days a week.

So, there is your brief introduction to me. I am sure as I become more comfortable, I will reveal more. I've always been the person who thought I held my cards close until I looked back and realized that my heart was on my sleeve.

To end this - I am open to ANY suggestions to make this a better place to visit.